You wouldn’t hire a professional photographer to capture your first date, your college graduation or your child’s birth.
Why, then, have we convinced ourselves that all our wedding planning will amount to nothing if we don’t spend thousands of dollars to hire the right person to photograph a milestone celebrated by thousands of couples every year?
On blog after blog, and in every wedding magazine ever published, wedding photographers are sold as a critical member of the holy wedding trinity, balanced, of course, by the perfect dress and a sparkling engagement ring.
Photographers are artists, these voices insist. Their talent will frame every moment of your special day, propelling your wedding from its mediocre existence to Style Me Pretty material.
But, the fact is, like so many “must haves,” professional photography is not a necessity.
And, I just don’t see how spending $2,000 to $6,000 on photography is a good use of my money.
Now, I’m no fool.
I’ve worked alongside Pulitzer Prize winners, amazing photographers who can extract compelling images from mundane subjects. I am stunned time and again by the quality and beauty of their work. Their knowledge of light, technique and composition is limitless.
In short, your Uncle Bobby and his busted Nikon ain’t got nothing on these people.
The professionals can make magic. Bobby, on the other hand, is lucky if he remembers to turn the flash on.
Still, in the end, a great professional photographer is nothing more than a Vera Wang dress or a Tiffany ring – a lovely, but unimportant luxury.
You admire its beauty and then you purchase a dress from David’s, Once Wed or eBay. You wear the ring your partner could afford. You adore each item regardless of its monetary value, because both bring you one step closer to marrying the person you love.
Similarly, your wedding (and your wedding photos) will be no less meaningful if it is your Uncle Bobby, not the Knot’s vendor of the month, who photographs your beloved shoving cake in your face or your mother joyfully crying during the ceremony.
Yes, some of the photos will come out blurry. Some will be too dark and, therefore, unprintable. At best, maybe you’ll only have 30 great images to use for your album.
But, what more could you want*? And you know your friends will supplement your collection with the pictures they took, anyway.
What’s more, hiring a professional vendor will not guarantee you swoon-worthy pictures. You could end up with ho-hum or overly manufactured images. You know, those ones where the couples are forced to stand shoulder to shoulder, heads touching. Some friends have even complained about pushy artists who tried to control their every movement in the pursuit of the perfect photo.
No, thanks.
I’m relying on friends and relatives to capture my wedding and using the money we could have spent on a pro on vacations and the flat screen television my partner won’t stop talking about.
On our wedding day, I imagine I’ll commit all the best moments to memory: The way I felt, the way he looked, our vows.
And I’ll be able to relive them whenever I want, wherever I am, no photo album necessary.
*Full disclosure: Although I love art, I am pretty disinterested in personal photos in general. I hate when friends waste a whole night out posing for pictures instead of, you know, just having fun. My parents were nomads, leaving me with few childhood photos. And I rarely print my digital photos.
Thus, I really don’t think I’ll need 800 professional photos to remember the day I married the most important person I’ve ever met.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Old school party
I see these everywhere. They are stinking cute, right?
(I found these pictures Googling wedding and lemonade. That's how ubiquitous they've become.)
But I'd rather save a little coin and bust out the old school punch bowls I inherited from my Abuela*.
Cheesy AND fabulous punch bowls: 2010's wedding trend of the year, you watch.
* I bet your grandmother has some, too. Ask her. Or just go rummage around the local Goodwill. I've seen them sell for $4 a bowl.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Cheating on our wedding colors
I was so excited about all of our pink and green wedding purchases.
And then we went out and bought this: Four yards of of bright orange and red Ikea fabric and our new photo area backdrop.
And then we went out and bought this: Four yards of of bright orange and red Ikea fabric and our new photo area backdrop.
We love it.
So now we are ditching the garden party, dainty look* and embracing the bright, bold colors we love everyday: fuschia, red, green, yellow, orange, blue.
Am I a little worried that everything is going to clash? Yes.
Do I think it will be awesome? Yes.
And you know this, man.
* Because when has either of us ever been dainty?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Anticipation
Amanda's lovely and hip wedding at Peony Love makes me wish I was getting married tomorrow. Can we rock this already, please?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Gut check
When I first decided to get married, I announced to anyone who would listen that I was going to:
1) Wear a short dress because my legs are sexy (woot woot) and I want to be able to get down on the dance floor. Also, less material = cheaper dress.
2) Serve a dessert buffet because it would be cheaper than a ridiculous, oversized cake that costs more than our rings. More importantly, the groom and I don’t really like cake, but we do like pies, cupcakes, cheesecake and other sugary goodness.
Nearly everyone I ran this by was cool with the dress thing, because, really, no one cares what you wear except for YOU.
But the dessert buffet idea earned me a few, “But you HAVE to have cake, people will be expecting it” speeches.
That’s why when a local bakery contacted me recently* and asked me if I wanted to come in for a free cake tasting, I accepted the invitation. Let’s see what all the fuss is about, I thought.
At the cake tasting we learned we could get a very stylish cake for 100 people for $500. Not bad, right? However, the groom and I also were able to confirm that we really don’t love cake. It’s dry and bland and he would rather eat apple pie and I prefer strawberry cheesecake.
The best part is now when someone tells me how I HAVE to have cake, I’m simply going to smile and change the subject. All the while I’ll be singing in my head, suck it! I know what I like!
I firmly believe this is the key to not losing your shit. Know what you and your partner like and do it, regardless of what anyone says.
*The bakery got my information from a bridal show I recently attended. Do NOT give out your information at these shows if you do not want random people contacting you. One photographer included me in an e-mail he sent out to advertise his services. Problem is, he also sent it to roughly 50 other brides and all of our e-mail addresses were visible in his message. Violating my right to privacy? Not cool!
1) Wear a short dress because my legs are sexy (woot woot) and I want to be able to get down on the dance floor. Also, less material = cheaper dress.
2) Serve a dessert buffet because it would be cheaper than a ridiculous, oversized cake that costs more than our rings. More importantly, the groom and I don’t really like cake, but we do like pies, cupcakes, cheesecake and other sugary goodness.
Nearly everyone I ran this by was cool with the dress thing, because, really, no one cares what you wear except for YOU.
But the dessert buffet idea earned me a few, “But you HAVE to have cake, people will be expecting it” speeches.
That’s why when a local bakery contacted me recently* and asked me if I wanted to come in for a free cake tasting, I accepted the invitation. Let’s see what all the fuss is about, I thought.
At the cake tasting we learned we could get a very stylish cake for 100 people for $500. Not bad, right? However, the groom and I also were able to confirm that we really don’t love cake. It’s dry and bland and he would rather eat apple pie and I prefer strawberry cheesecake.
The best part is now when someone tells me how I HAVE to have cake, I’m simply going to smile and change the subject. All the while I’ll be singing in my head, suck it! I know what I like!
I firmly believe this is the key to not losing your shit. Know what you and your partner like and do it, regardless of what anyone says.
*The bakery got my information from a bridal show I recently attended. Do NOT give out your information at these shows if you do not want random people contacting you. One photographer included me in an e-mail he sent out to advertise his services. Problem is, he also sent it to roughly 50 other brides and all of our e-mail addresses were visible in his message. Violating my right to privacy? Not cool!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wedding planning will turn you into a crazy b****
“I don’t know why people say wedding planning is so stressful,” I told my best friend shortly after I got engaged. “All you do is look at pretty clothes, try yummy food and plan a big party for all your favorite people. What’s not fun about that?”
Um, yeah, right.
With 184 days to go until the big day, I have 118 very important things I must do RIGHT NOW (Thank you Martha Stewart Wedding Planning.)
I’ve had to reach out to cranky family members I purposely started avoiding years ago, ask them for their address and listen to never-ending tirades about WHY DON”T YOU CALL EVER CALL? (Dude, because I don’t like you. Duh.)
My confidence is being chipped away by flawless images of weddings that cost more than I earn in one year post taxes.
A handful of loved ones who make up my inner circle, the people I expected to be the most supportive, are encouraging me to reconsider my non-traditional decisions.
Former friends who I haven’t spoken with in years are e-mailing me to inquire about the status of their invitation.
Everything is more expensive than I originally imagined it would be.
And my once clear skin keeps breaking out.
In short, with seven months to go before the Big Day, I’ve already turned into a crazy bitch.
My future husband, forever a lazy mofo when it comes to household chores, is now subject to daily lectures about how I NEED HELP AND I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING MYSELF.
My flower girl, a sweet, nine-year-old who is so excited about being in her first wedding, was my first Bridezilla victim. After I e-mailed her the images of 30 flower girl outfit candidates and she rejected each one because they were too casual and she instead wanted to wear a princess dress and high heels (!), I turned to my friends in frustration. Buy whatever you want and make her wear it, they said. (Mind you, these are the same women who rejected my initial bridesmaid dress suggestions and demanded I find new ones.) I knew I should give my flower girl the same respect I gave them and let her pick her dress. But I took my friends’ advice anyway and bought what I wanted because I was so eager to cross this silly chore off of my to-do list. (In my defense, I did buy the outfit my future husband and I originally agreed on before the flower girl told us it was ugly. Also, the flower girl was emailing me seven times a day asking me to send her more photos of potential dresses. It was beyond annoying.)
I don’t like what I am becoming. If I’m this testy now, what kind of monster am I going to be by May, when we get married?
This morning, I resolved to chill the eff out.
Everyone has family members they don’t really like to be around. Why let my annoying relatives ruffle my feathers?
I’ve accepted my fiancé for who he is and I can’t undermine that now simply because I am stressed out. Arguing about dirty dishes is not going to make our marriage any happier or productive.
Suggestions from my friends and family are just that. I don’t have to second guess myself or feel challenged.
What’s more, I am going to try to be more Zen about wedding planning as a whole. I need to luxuriate in the joyful moments – shopping for pretty things, spending time with people I like, picking out fun music, planning for my future — and roll through the less appealing chores — hunting for budget deals, listening to other’s criticisms and meeting deadlines.
And I am going to invest in some Proactiv, pronto.
Um, yeah, right.
With 184 days to go until the big day, I have 118 very important things I must do RIGHT NOW (Thank you Martha Stewart Wedding Planning.)
I’ve had to reach out to cranky family members I purposely started avoiding years ago, ask them for their address and listen to never-ending tirades about WHY DON”T YOU CALL EVER CALL? (Dude, because I don’t like you. Duh.)
My confidence is being chipped away by flawless images of weddings that cost more than I earn in one year post taxes.
A handful of loved ones who make up my inner circle, the people I expected to be the most supportive, are encouraging me to reconsider my non-traditional decisions.
Former friends who I haven’t spoken with in years are e-mailing me to inquire about the status of their invitation.
Everything is more expensive than I originally imagined it would be.
And my once clear skin keeps breaking out.
In short, with seven months to go before the Big Day, I’ve already turned into a crazy bitch.
My future husband, forever a lazy mofo when it comes to household chores, is now subject to daily lectures about how I NEED HELP AND I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING MYSELF.
My flower girl, a sweet, nine-year-old who is so excited about being in her first wedding, was my first Bridezilla victim. After I e-mailed her the images of 30 flower girl outfit candidates and she rejected each one because they were too casual and she instead wanted to wear a princess dress and high heels (!), I turned to my friends in frustration. Buy whatever you want and make her wear it, they said. (Mind you, these are the same women who rejected my initial bridesmaid dress suggestions and demanded I find new ones.) I knew I should give my flower girl the same respect I gave them and let her pick her dress. But I took my friends’ advice anyway and bought what I wanted because I was so eager to cross this silly chore off of my to-do list. (In my defense, I did buy the outfit my future husband and I originally agreed on before the flower girl told us it was ugly. Also, the flower girl was emailing me seven times a day asking me to send her more photos of potential dresses. It was beyond annoying.)
I don’t like what I am becoming. If I’m this testy now, what kind of monster am I going to be by May, when we get married?
This morning, I resolved to chill the eff out.
Everyone has family members they don’t really like to be around. Why let my annoying relatives ruffle my feathers?
I’ve accepted my fiancé for who he is and I can’t undermine that now simply because I am stressed out. Arguing about dirty dishes is not going to make our marriage any happier or productive.
Suggestions from my friends and family are just that. I don’t have to second guess myself or feel challenged.
What’s more, I am going to try to be more Zen about wedding planning as a whole. I need to luxuriate in the joyful moments – shopping for pretty things, spending time with people I like, picking out fun music, planning for my future — and roll through the less appealing chores — hunting for budget deals, listening to other’s criticisms and meeting deadlines.
And I am going to invest in some Proactiv, pronto.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Naked
This is the post I’ve been dreading—the Big Budget Reveal*.
It’s not that I mind sharing my numbers with strangers I’ll likely never meet. I don’t.
I simply feared revealing numbers to my guests, some of whom occasionally read this blog. An irrational part of me felt they wouldn’t want to come to my wedding if they knew how humble it is going to be. (This is insane. I wouldn’t be friends with people like that.)
Another part of me loathed the idea of subjecting myself to pity or sympathy. Most of my relatives and friends are wealthier than I am and I know they have spent or will spend more on their weddings. I have a poor complex from growing up destitute and money issues still embarrass me. But I can’t control what people think of me, so why fret about this?
My guy and I choose professions that make us terribly happy but not wealthy. We also have student loans and other financial responsibilities that prevent us from spending a lot of cash on one day.
Okay, enough with the silly excuses.
Deep breath.
Here’s what we plan to spend:
Reception and ceremony venue rental: $1000
DIY Invitations: $100
DIY save the dates: $30
Tapas from a family-owned Spanish restaurant: $1,000
Cheese and veggie buffet (from Costco or Wholefoods): $300
Cuban rice and chicken from my favorite Miami joint: $300
Cake buffet: $300
Drinks (wine, pop, juice, water and two kegs): $600
My dress: $700, although I’m really going to try to spend less than $350.
My shoes: $80
My hair accessories: $50
His clothes: $400
His shoes: $50
Bridesmaids dresses: $400
Flower girl clothes: $130
Ties for groomsmen and guy: $130
Rings: $400
Airfare and lodging for his two sisters from Honduras: $1,800
Thank you cards, DIY programs: $100
Decorations: $300
Tableware: $400
Flowers: $400, because our friend owns a nursery
Hotel for wedding weekend: $700
Travel expenses from our hometown to our wedding location: $200
Lunch for our wedding party day of wedding: $200
Highlights for my hair: $100
Transportation: $200
Bartender $100
That comes out to roughly $10,500. For context, we are having roughly 100 guests at our Fort Lauderdale wedding.
We are also saving an extra $4,000 in case necessary expenses arise that I can’t foresee. If we don’t spend that money, that’s our honeymoon fund.
By the way, our DJ and photography are free gifts from creative friends. A friend will be our officiant.
I intentionally excluded how much we are going to spend on our wedding gifts for our attendants, since I don’t want them to read that number, and our marriage fee.
This budget is based on how little I think we can spend on things according to my research. I inflated some numbers just to be safe.
I tried to include every wedding related expense I could think of because I know how frustrating it can be when someone writes they spent $4,000 on their wedding, but seems to exclude random expenses, and you’re left thinking, how did you pay for that beachfront house, brunch for 300 people and a designer dress on that budget?
All in all, this is more than I need and I am very lucky to have any of this.
And, no matter what, I’ll still be marrying the sweetest guy around.
*Why reveal the numbers if I felt so apprehensive about doing so? Because I've learned so much from other brides who were candid about their budgets. Because part of getting over my financial insecurities involves learning to embrace who I am and what I can afford. Because I bet some of you are broke, too, and equally intimidated by the "real wedding" budgets showcased in most magazines or blogs. And, most importantly, because there's nothing wrong with being broke.
It’s not that I mind sharing my numbers with strangers I’ll likely never meet. I don’t.
I simply feared revealing numbers to my guests, some of whom occasionally read this blog. An irrational part of me felt they wouldn’t want to come to my wedding if they knew how humble it is going to be. (This is insane. I wouldn’t be friends with people like that.)
Another part of me loathed the idea of subjecting myself to pity or sympathy. Most of my relatives and friends are wealthier than I am and I know they have spent or will spend more on their weddings. I have a poor complex from growing up destitute and money issues still embarrass me. But I can’t control what people think of me, so why fret about this?
My guy and I choose professions that make us terribly happy but not wealthy. We also have student loans and other financial responsibilities that prevent us from spending a lot of cash on one day.
Okay, enough with the silly excuses.
Deep breath.
Here’s what we plan to spend:
Reception and ceremony venue rental: $1000
DIY Invitations: $100
DIY save the dates: $30
Tapas from a family-owned Spanish restaurant: $1,000
Cheese and veggie buffet (from Costco or Wholefoods): $300
Cuban rice and chicken from my favorite Miami joint: $300
Cake buffet: $300
Drinks (wine, pop, juice, water and two kegs): $600
My dress: $700, although I’m really going to try to spend less than $350.
My shoes: $80
My hair accessories: $50
His clothes: $400
His shoes: $50
Bridesmaids dresses: $400
Flower girl clothes: $130
Ties for groomsmen and guy: $130
Rings: $400
Airfare and lodging for his two sisters from Honduras: $1,800
Thank you cards, DIY programs: $100
Decorations: $300
Tableware: $400
Flowers: $400, because our friend owns a nursery
Hotel for wedding weekend: $700
Travel expenses from our hometown to our wedding location: $200
Lunch for our wedding party day of wedding: $200
Highlights for my hair: $100
Transportation: $200
Bartender $100
That comes out to roughly $10,500. For context, we are having roughly 100 guests at our Fort Lauderdale wedding.
We are also saving an extra $4,000 in case necessary expenses arise that I can’t foresee. If we don’t spend that money, that’s our honeymoon fund.
By the way, our DJ and photography are free gifts from creative friends. A friend will be our officiant.
I intentionally excluded how much we are going to spend on our wedding gifts for our attendants, since I don’t want them to read that number, and our marriage fee.
This budget is based on how little I think we can spend on things according to my research. I inflated some numbers just to be safe.
I tried to include every wedding related expense I could think of because I know how frustrating it can be when someone writes they spent $4,000 on their wedding, but seems to exclude random expenses, and you’re left thinking, how did you pay for that beachfront house, brunch for 300 people and a designer dress on that budget?
All in all, this is more than I need and I am very lucky to have any of this.
And, no matter what, I’ll still be marrying the sweetest guy around.
*Why reveal the numbers if I felt so apprehensive about doing so? Because I've learned so much from other brides who were candid about their budgets. Because part of getting over my financial insecurities involves learning to embrace who I am and what I can afford. Because I bet some of you are broke, too, and equally intimidated by the "real wedding" budgets showcased in most magazines or blogs. And, most importantly, because there's nothing wrong with being broke.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Wedding blogs are my GPS
I would be completely lost without you guys*. How else would I learn about...
*Sorry for swiping everyone else's material, but it's so much easier for me to stare at these pretty pictures on my blog as opposed to searching for e-mails I sent myself from Google Reader whenever I need inspiration.
Glam headbands
A handmade arch/ photo area
Cheap, spectacular dresses
Quirky scarfs
DIY Tin Votives
And 80's skating weddings?
*Sorry for swiping everyone else's material, but it's so much easier for me to stare at these pretty pictures on my blog as opposed to searching for e-mails I sent myself from Google Reader whenever I need inspiration.
Don't be an a**hole to your friends
I don't care what Emily Post or The Knot or your Mama says.
Inviting single people to your wedding without a "plus one" is a d**k move, and you know it*.
There are always exceptions to every rule, so maybe your specific case requires that you overlook your single friends and there's really nothing you can do about it. I can't imagine what that scenario might be, but I am still going to leave myself some wiggle room in case one of you prove me absolutely wrong.
However, if you are positive you simply can't invite a few more people to your wedding simply to please your friends, here's my humble advice: Make it work. Because if you don't let your single friends bring a date, they are not going to be happy and unhappy wedding guests do not a happy wedding make. Entiende?
I've heard all the excuses.
I'm only inviting engaged couples, married couples or couples who live together. Why should I pay $80 to feed some stranger my friend only invited at the last minute because she couldn't find a real date?
Dude, listen to yourself. Your friend is so reluctant to attend your wedding stag she is bringing a random guy as her date. Isn't that an important sign that she really doesn't want to attend your event by herself?
And the whole idea of evaluating and comparing your friends' relationships MAKES ME SO MAD. We all know couples who live together or are engaged who are probably going to break up before Valentine's Day. Why should they get an invite? Maybe that stranger you are trying to snub will wind up being your college roommate's future husband.
I can't afford to invite more people.
Really? Well, unless you are working with a tiny budget, I don't believe you. Why can't you cancel the fireworks display or skip the fancy invites to find the money to feed your friend's date? Such a thoughtful gesture is a much better use of your cash than those lame favors your mother is trying to talk you into buying.
Here's the thing, your wedding is not about you. It's about celebrating with your nearest and dearest, and that involves considering your guests' feelings and comfort levels. Unless you are inviting a gaggle of single college friends who all know each other, it is likely your single friend will know fewer than, say, three people at your wedding, and will feel bored and lonely at your party. Are you truly okay with that?
I want the single people to mingle. Weddings are so romantic. Maybe sparks will fly!
If your friend is single and he or she wants to attend the wedding alone so they can mack on the other single people there, fine. But let them make that decision for themselves. A good host shouldn't sentence someone to a night of awkward small talk with strangers or sitting at the weirdo table without that person's consent.
I didn't always feel this strongly about the no date rule.
Until recently, I really didn't mind if my boyfriend wasn't invited to events. I reasoned, "The bride should be able to do whatever she wants. It's her day!" and "Maybe they are crazy broke or have space constraints."
My opinion changed after my friend verbally invited me to her wedding and asked me for my partner's last name and our address. Naturally, I assumed we were both invited to the event.
Then, I got the phone call no friend should get. "I invited more people than I should have. There isn't enough space for everyone. Do you mind coming to the wedding solo?"
I was shocked. Slightly hurt. But, still, it was her day. Cool. Whatever. My partner wasn't even friends with the bride and groom. Why would he care?
But, boy, did he care. And when I told my friends and family about the situation, they said he had a right to be hurt. One friend even told me she broke up with a former boyfriend because he went to a wedding that she was not invited to attend. What did that say about their relationship or his friendship, she said.
Thankfully, I told the bride about my partner's hurt feelings and she apologized and invited him. We got engaged a month later, so I guess we would have made it onto the invite list as an official couple anyway, but the whole ordeal made me uncomfortable.
And now that I am planning a wedding myself it really seems like there is no excuse for such thoughtlessness. If you are in control over the details of your event, book a bigger venue or order cheaper food if you have to so all your guests can bring dates and feel welcomed and appreciated.
In short, an invitation shouldn't hurt your friends' feelings, put a strain on their budding relationships or result in lonely wedding guests.
And, if you are invited to my wedding, you are getting a plus one**. I promise.
* I realize this is probably going to be an unpopular post. What can I say? You should listen to the Knot or your Mama. They are more experienced with this sort of thing.
** For the record, I don't care if my guests choose to bring a date, a friend or a cousin. It's their invite.
Inviting single people to your wedding without a "plus one" is a d**k move, and you know it*.
There are always exceptions to every rule, so maybe your specific case requires that you overlook your single friends and there's really nothing you can do about it. I can't imagine what that scenario might be, but I am still going to leave myself some wiggle room in case one of you prove me absolutely wrong.
However, if you are positive you simply can't invite a few more people to your wedding simply to please your friends, here's my humble advice: Make it work. Because if you don't let your single friends bring a date, they are not going to be happy and unhappy wedding guests do not a happy wedding make. Entiende?
I've heard all the excuses.
I'm only inviting engaged couples, married couples or couples who live together. Why should I pay $80 to feed some stranger my friend only invited at the last minute because she couldn't find a real date?
Dude, listen to yourself. Your friend is so reluctant to attend your wedding stag she is bringing a random guy as her date. Isn't that an important sign that she really doesn't want to attend your event by herself?
And the whole idea of evaluating and comparing your friends' relationships MAKES ME SO MAD. We all know couples who live together or are engaged who are probably going to break up before Valentine's Day. Why should they get an invite? Maybe that stranger you are trying to snub will wind up being your college roommate's future husband.
I can't afford to invite more people.
Really? Well, unless you are working with a tiny budget, I don't believe you. Why can't you cancel the fireworks display or skip the fancy invites to find the money to feed your friend's date? Such a thoughtful gesture is a much better use of your cash than those lame favors your mother is trying to talk you into buying.
Here's the thing, your wedding is not about you. It's about celebrating with your nearest and dearest, and that involves considering your guests' feelings and comfort levels. Unless you are inviting a gaggle of single college friends who all know each other, it is likely your single friend will know fewer than, say, three people at your wedding, and will feel bored and lonely at your party. Are you truly okay with that?
I want the single people to mingle. Weddings are so romantic. Maybe sparks will fly!
If your friend is single and he or she wants to attend the wedding alone so they can mack on the other single people there, fine. But let them make that decision for themselves. A good host shouldn't sentence someone to a night of awkward small talk with strangers or sitting at the weirdo table without that person's consent.
I didn't always feel this strongly about the no date rule.
Until recently, I really didn't mind if my boyfriend wasn't invited to events. I reasoned, "The bride should be able to do whatever she wants. It's her day!" and "Maybe they are crazy broke or have space constraints."
My opinion changed after my friend verbally invited me to her wedding and asked me for my partner's last name and our address. Naturally, I assumed we were both invited to the event.
Then, I got the phone call no friend should get. "I invited more people than I should have. There isn't enough space for everyone. Do you mind coming to the wedding solo?"
I was shocked. Slightly hurt. But, still, it was her day. Cool. Whatever. My partner wasn't even friends with the bride and groom. Why would he care?
But, boy, did he care. And when I told my friends and family about the situation, they said he had a right to be hurt. One friend even told me she broke up with a former boyfriend because he went to a wedding that she was not invited to attend. What did that say about their relationship or his friendship, she said.
Thankfully, I told the bride about my partner's hurt feelings and she apologized and invited him. We got engaged a month later, so I guess we would have made it onto the invite list as an official couple anyway, but the whole ordeal made me uncomfortable.
And now that I am planning a wedding myself it really seems like there is no excuse for such thoughtlessness. If you are in control over the details of your event, book a bigger venue or order cheaper food if you have to so all your guests can bring dates and feel welcomed and appreciated.
In short, an invitation shouldn't hurt your friends' feelings, put a strain on their budding relationships or result in lonely wedding guests.
And, if you are invited to my wedding, you are getting a plus one**. I promise.
* I realize this is probably going to be an unpopular post. What can I say? You should listen to the Knot or your Mama. They are more experienced with this sort of thing.
** For the record, I don't care if my guests choose to bring a date, a friend or a cousin. It's their invite.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I am not a princess
I don’t have a fairy godmother, royal parents or enough money to buy my own country. Simply put, there’s no way I’m ever going to be crowned a princess.
And I really don’t feel the need to moonlight as one at our wedding.
(Besides, I am pretty sure my guy thinks of me as his queen regardless of what I wear.)
We are throwing a casual, rustic bash. Walking down the aisle in 20 pounds of tulle, rhinestones, beading and ruffles just isn’t going to cut it.
But finding a dress that doesn’t make you look like a homecoming queen can be harder than it sounds, because:
1. I am a big city girl currently living in the middle of nowhere.
2. Most brides do want to look regal on their big day, so the local retailers here have stocked their stores accordingly. Sales ladies give you quizzical looks when you proclaim you don’t want anything that weighs more than a toddler or that looks like my niece attacked it with a Bedazzler. They aren't judging you. There just isn't anything in their shop that resembles what you are asking for.
3. I don’t want my dress to cost more than $700 and I'd really prefer to spend as little as possible.
If money wasn't an issue, I'd be all over these hot little numbers:
Initially, the idea of buying some polyester beast at David’s Bridal gave me hives, but I still checked it out because I do know some brides who managed to find pretty dresses in that temple of tulle.
I found two cute, short dresses within my budget, but I wasn’t completely sold on either style. Still, I consider these my back up dresses in case I can’t find anything else:
Alfred Angelo was basically the same deal. These dresses would be okay, if neither had a stupid sash:
And I really don’t feel the need to moonlight as one at our wedding.
(Besides, I am pretty sure my guy thinks of me as his queen regardless of what I wear.)
We are throwing a casual, rustic bash. Walking down the aisle in 20 pounds of tulle, rhinestones, beading and ruffles just isn’t going to cut it.
But finding a dress that doesn’t make you look like a homecoming queen can be harder than it sounds, because:
1. I am a big city girl currently living in the middle of nowhere.
2. Most brides do want to look regal on their big day, so the local retailers here have stocked their stores accordingly. Sales ladies give you quizzical looks when you proclaim you don’t want anything that weighs more than a toddler or that looks like my niece attacked it with a Bedazzler. They aren't judging you. There just isn't anything in their shop that resembles what you are asking for.
3. I don’t want my dress to cost more than $700 and I'd really prefer to spend as little as possible.
If money wasn't an issue, I'd be all over these hot little numbers:
Initially, the idea of buying some polyester beast at David’s Bridal gave me hives, but I still checked it out because I do know some brides who managed to find pretty dresses in that temple of tulle.
I found two cute, short dresses within my budget, but I wasn’t completely sold on either style. Still, I consider these my back up dresses in case I can’t find anything else:
Alfred Angelo was basically the same deal. These dresses would be okay, if neither had a stupid sash:
I've also admired styles from Nicole Miller, J. Crew and Dolly Couture, but so far haven't found anything worth me buying online in blind faith yet.
All I want is a dress that will make me feel like myself, albeit somewhat gussied up.
Friday, November 13, 2009
flower power
Is it wrong that I am dressing the flower girl in stuff I wish I could have worn as a child (or right now, if it was socially acceptable to wear pink sequin shoes to work)?
She'll look fresh to death in these sparkly kicks:
A little hair bling:
In case she gets cold, and because layering makes everything look so much better:
She'll look fresh to death in these sparkly kicks:
A little hair bling:
In case she gets cold, and because layering makes everything look so much better:
Something pretty and ornate to twirl in:
This dress in white.
Grand total? $130.
I wanted a whimsical, fresh look. This wasn't easy, since most flower girl dresses look like something JonBenét Ramsey would have worn with red lipstick and hooker heels. Soooooooo not the style I am going for.
I can't wait to get all my lovely little packages in the mail and see if they work together as well as I hope they will.
Now, if only I could find myself a dress...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
